like a rock

Last night I went over to my boyfriend`s house and made him a DELICIOUS dinner composed of a sandwich overflowing with sauteed veggies (onions, green pepper, zucchini), sundried tomato and basil turkey and a LITTLE bit of spicy mayo and mustard. OH and I snuck a little bit of avocado in there EVEN though he specifically requested that I don`t put it in. I ended up getting caught, but he ate half and liked it before noticing and then picking it out. WHO doesn`t like avocado? Haha anyways, we both went into a food coma and fell asleep on the couch waay too early for a Friday night. I slept like a rock from around 10:30 until morning. Hardly waking up at all the entire time. I had the WEIRDEST dream.. from what I remember, I was at somebody`s house with my friend Kelly at night in New Westminster (around Alberta Street) and she was supposed to drive me home, but then didn`t and I ended up walking through Maillardville by myself. I walked in the rain and then ended up walking into an old church (which was disguised as Woody`s pub on the outside.. exactly where Woody`s is actually located) and I started a conversation with some strangers that were around my age. Two girls and around 4 guys. We ended up going into "Woody's" and they showed me a hidden doorway with an old staircase that led to a secret location in the attic. Now this is where my dream gets a little bit choppy... the next thing I remember, we had removed our shoes and we were walking across big old wooden ceiling beams and having an adventure when somebody started yelling, "WHO`S IN THERE?" I started to panic and we all put our shoes back on and while we were trying to escape through the back window, an employee came and told us not to be in there. She didn`t really get angry though and we started to have a pretty casual conversation with her. Then we opened a back window to leave the establishment only to find that the window lead to farmland.. a huge grassy meadow. And it was daytime. And there were birds chirping around me and the grass was up to our knees. It was like a meadow in a fairytale. I forget what happened directly after that, but I do know that I woke up at some point and when I fell back asleep my dream continued... except it was very bizarre (think of the feeling you get when you watch a Clockwork Orange) and I don`t know how to describe what was really going on without sounding totally demented...
I`m back at the secret attic, but this time the two girls were chained up by their wrists and ankles to the ceiling beams.. wearing everything leather, chastity belts, gag balls, the WHOLE bondage shabang.. They were basically floating above the church. The 4 guys were the ones who chained them up, but they weren`t doing it in a dominating way. They were more or less just watching the girls and talking (possibly plotting something they were going to do to them? I don`t know even though this is my dream). I was there but I wasn`t actually there.. Sort of like an out of body experience. Then AGAIN they hear a voice. This time its a man`s voice and it`s one of the guys dad. He is shouting his sons name over and over and over. The sons expression shows that he is VERY nervous and vulnerable.. but definitely NOT because he was about to get caught. Just the sound of the voice it seemed was what bothered him. The son shouts back down to him and the dad asks to come up. The son shouts at his dad not to come up. He looks like he is going to start crying. He is sweating. His dad explains he just wants to talk to him about something and continues shouting his name in a very ghost-like manner (very freaking creepy) The son starts to panic and then all of a sudden the dads voice gets nearer and nearer and louder until finally the dads face appears on one of the GIRLS GROINS RIGHT OVER TOP OF THE CHASTITY BELT. The son starts screaming (this is where its weird like a clockwork orange) and the dads face is just spinning around on this chastity belt and he says the strangest thing I have ever heard (in a dream AND in real life) He says, "Son! I just want to know (in a very very worried tone) if you have any other colours in you! I just want to know.. I think you have some black in you. Please just show me your dick! I just want to see if you have some black in you!! Show me your dick now!"
...then I wake up. Surprisingly NOT sweating or screaming. His face was just spinning and yelling from a female`s mons pubis.. Now normally I can ignore my dreams but this one.. I think I need to see a psychoanalyst or SOMETHING because I am severly traumatized by what the hell is going on in my own brain hahaha. *nervous laugh* Hopefully this had nothing to do with the delicious sandwiches we ate right before passing out, because I want to eat that again in the near future... sans freaky dream.

hate is baggage

I need to do a cleanse. I need to cleanse myself of everything bad, everything negative and everything toxic. I have hate, and hate is baggage. I am unimpressed with my current status. What am I doing with my life? What have I done lately that I should be proud of? Where has all my money gone? What have I put my time and effort into that has generated positive results? The shitty thing is I really can't tell you. I am back to square one. Today WILL be the start of a new me. I cannot live for ANYBODY else. I cannot wait for the "right" time to start living for me. I need to do it today or I will die wishing I had started a little bit earlier. I cannot regret what is now in the past and I cannot dwell on what I cannot change. But I can love myself right now, and start treating myself, and my life, and my personal relationships the way I should be treating them, which is with honesty, loyalty and passion. Love conquers all, and hate is baggage. I'm done with hating. Goodbye hate.

Where do I start?

Alright, here we go. Since August I have OVERHAULED the pigsty I call my room, organized my "art studio" (that my mother so sneakily put into my room for me while I was at work.. Thanks mum!) , made some progress on my portfolio because of my new "art studio" and quit my job! I don't think I ever posted about how unhappy working in the mall makes me.. long story short, it was making me miserable and when losing sleep over a job that pays you peanuts for paycheques, it's not worth the stress. I am now 21, I feel a bit more confident, you know.. the kind of confidence that comes with age. I knoooow anybody who is even 5 years older than me is probably laughing at me right now.. :)
I have been doing a lot of reading lately! I am currently reading The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe. It's keeping me QUITE entertained! It's sort of a peek into the lives of the "merry pranksters" and the LSD worshippers of the 60's. Ohhh what I would give to have been born just a FEEEWW decades earlier. But hey, I can still tell my grandchildren that I was around when the INTERNET came about.. and that I lived in the last century! And Y2K! Almost forgot about that one... haaaaa.
I almost forgot! I attended an open house at Capilano University back in November! Man it was so inspiring to see this conglomeration of creative beings at work. I feel a bit more confident with what I need to be focusing on, and at the same time a little bit more intimidated and unsure than before.. There's a lot of great talent and LIMITED space in this program.. hmph
WISH ME LUCK! :)

I should be packing to go camping?

Salvation a la mode and a cup of tea.

What the hell happened to our computer chair? STANDING and writing in my blog? Not okay with me. It's too hot to be standing and typing. But at least I have my trusty iced coffee. I'm trying to save money so I'm really into DIY right now. Just today I've made my own iced coffee, AND cut my own hair. I really didn't want a hair cut, I just needed it. I'm that much closer to my waist length DREAM hair. :)

Been looking into stay-cations lately. I need to save, but I also have a huuuge travel bug. This bug has been growing and growing. It's now more like a travel mammoth. I have a travel mammoth in my stomach. I'm thinking of taking a train through the Rockies. It's sooo beautiful out there. And I just need a serious change of scenery. I was also thinking, taking the trek out to Olympic National Park along the coast in washington would be awesome! Maybe drive to Portland to see Cannon Beach? (And of course go shopping, and catch some live music) Ideally, I'd like to be wandering sweden or cute cottage spotting in Hallstatt, or walking barefoot in the sand at an unreal beach in Goa. So many places, so much time..... so little money. Hmmm.....

one giant mish-mash

So I haven't yet established what type of blog I'd like this to be. I don't have any direction with this. For right now its my 'fashion, art, goals, everyday life, health' blog. A little bit of everything, shall we?
I've been looking into school lately. I am feeling quite passionate and optimistic about the IDEA program at Capilano University. Which means I need to get off here and get cracking on my art portfolio so that if I WERE to get accepted, I'd at least be mildly prepared. I have been in a bit of a creative slump lately. Feelin' a little uninspired. Like most ruts though I'm sure it will pass. I will DEFINITELY report back with some of my recent drawings and paintings though!

Off topic a little, one of my best friends just moved to Saltspring Island! I am really proud of her for just doing it, but on the other hand I really miss her. I know with her that when I visit her it will seem like she never left. And I'm sure she'll be back sooner than later. It's kind of exciting to have a pseudo-pen pal!








the one and only ginger in my life.
I love this girl.

MISE EN GARDE